Let’s Talk Honestly About Blaze and the Monster Machines for a Moment (2024)

This fall, Nickelodeon launched a new Pre-K show on Nick Jr. called Blaze and the Monster Machines.

So, you’re writing abouta kids’ show?

Yes. It’s a show that centers around a sentient monster truck named Blaze, his human driver, AJ, andtheir all-character-type-encompassing band of monster truck buddies. Each of the show’s inaugural eight episodes presents some sort of problem that is addressed and fixed with the standard kids’ show tropes [asking the viewers questions directly, inviting responses, ignoring simple things like time and space, etc.] The show’s core curriculum is an admirable one, though. It teaches basics in science, engineering, math…and, um, conjuring large robots out of thin air.

Wait. What was that last one?

We’ll get to that. But basically, for all the emphasis on science and real-world technology in Blaze, there is a HUGE amount of unexplained “magic.” Even if you take the basic premise of thinking and talking vehicles for for what it is, there is still a lot that needs explaining.

But, before we delve into the problems with Narniaesque “deeper magic,” let’s focus on what is good about the show. As I mentioned, it does a nice job of communicating concepts like force, acceleration and friction. Each episode has a catchy song that quicklynails down its particular concept and lodges itself directly into your earholes. While I consider this a positive, it’s a mixed bag. I’m thrilled that my 4 year-old son now knowswhat “adhesion” is, but the fact he hasmemorized and repeats ad nauseuma song about things sticking to each other issomething slightly less than living hell.

Alright. Enough of the niceties.

All of the action in the show takes place in and around Axle City.The residents of Axle City are all – with two exceptions – some form of monster truck/animal hybrid. Most, including Blaze, his friends Darington and Starla and the show’s main antagonist, Crusher, are of the “people” variety. While others, like supporting characters Stripes and Zeg, exhibit more animalian qualities (a tiger and a triceratops, respectively.) All of this could be accepted as some mystical world where trucks stand in for humans…if it weren’t for the constant presence of two ACTUAL humans: AJ and master mechanic, Gabby. So, we’re constantly faced with the question of “if the citizens of Axle City are all machines – even the animals like monkeys and big horn sheephave tiresand engines – why and HOW are there two random human children hanging around?”

Did you say human CHILDREN?

Oh, did I forget to mention that AJ is 8? My bad. Yep. He’s 8. And Gabby, the best – and only, as far as I can tell – mechanic in the entire city, is 9. Blaze’s driver and mechanic would be in 3rd or 4th grade…if such a thing as a school for alien-fleshy-biped-children existed in the cold steel world of Axle City, and I’m almost certain it doesn’t.

So, how did AJ learn to drive at such a young age?

LOL at you for trying to figure out things like “point” or “back story.” Don’t bother. Besides, it probably doesn’t matter since he’s “driving” a fully self-aware, livingcreature. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not sure AJ needs to drive Blaze at all. I mean, NONE of the other trucks have drivers. Not one. So, either Blaze is the only monster machine that is somehow reliant upon a human driver for reasons we can’t know (lucky for him, he found the ONLY one in existence) or he is just toying with the young boy and has some sort of weird, fake-symbiotic relationship going on. Either way, nope.

Still, the adventures they have, right? Driving around. Sailing to distant tropical islands.Making constant drug references?

Drug references?!

I mean,I won’t go so far as to say that oft-repeated lines such as “Gimme some speed!” “High Tire!” or “Let’s blaze!” are legitimate and intentional references to narcotics, but…well…let’s just say we’re talking about a world where trucks talk, animals have wheelsand no one ever seems to mind when a stadium full of spectators has to wait for hours while the star of the race gets rescued from being (unknowingly!) frozen in an ice cave at the top of a mountain after being booted out of said stadium by a giant kicking machine.

Giant…kicking machine?

I’m glad you asked. This gives me the perfect segue to talk about the show’s resident bumbling bad guy, Crusher.

Oh, God. Crusher.

Crusher is pure cartoon evil. His only modis operandi is to win at all costs. He, alongside his way-too-naive-and-optimistic sidekick, Pickle, is all about cheating to get what he wants. And he cheats with all the subtlety of of a 2-ton dinosaur shaped like a truck bouncing on pianos down a busy, urban street.

Invariably, when Crusher’s first attempt at cheating (or stealing, or whatever sin he’s afflicted with that day) fails, he resorts to technology.

Well, that at least keeps with the theme of the show, right?

Not even remotely. When I say he uses “technology” to further his cheating, what I mean is he creates some sort of mechanical device – from thin air, mind you – out of a gleamingtool box attached to his side. There is no explanation for where or how these things come into being. They just do. They glowingly appear and mindlessly cause earthquakes or shoot bananas orbounce around kicking at the air forall ofeternity…or until Blaze and AJ end their misery by destroying them.

As with any cartoon bad guy worth his salt, at least Crusher is not very competent. So, don’t you worry about our heroes. They win out every time. Because math, or something.

Of course, Crusher isn’t the only monster machine who has a dark magical secret. Our protagonist, Blaze, is apparently the Obi-wan to Crusher’s Vader (I guess. At least Lucas TRIED to explain midichlorians, which is more than can be said here.) Blaze’s “power” comes into play in the 3rd act of every episode where he and AJ solve the final problem by asking the audience to help Blaze turn himself into another machine. Like, say…a waffle iron.

This is all well and good, I guess, though, since it teaches kids (sort of) how to build things. That is, if all machines were made of just three parts and could be manufacturedby simply shouting the name of the part at a television screen. I wonder if Steve Jobs ever just sat around and yelled “PROCESSOR!” at an empty desk. He probably did and I’m just being too critical.

Look, I get it. It’s a show for children. My son does not care about the origin story of monster truck tires made out of chicken feathers. He just thinks they’re funny. All I want is a little consistency. Teach my kids about mass and wind power. I’ll be thankful for that. But, some day in the not too distant future when they come to me crying, wondering why they can’t turn themselves into a hydrofoil to get away from the robot shark, is Nick Jr. gonna be there to answer them? No. That will be MYburden.

Thanks a lot for that.