Bottom Line: A real lousy opener here. Mack and Nowinski are too green/not talented enough to put on a decent match. The end result was a lot of sloppiness here. The crowd seemed into the Dudleyz shtick enough to keep them entertained, but it wasn’t enough for me. On top of everything, you had this race angle which was stupid, insulting, and underdeveloped. Our first brand specific PPV has not gotten off to a good start. ½ *
Redneck Triathlon Event #1: Burping Contest
The problems between the two RAW GMs led Stone Cold to suggest this competition to settle their differences. They have a big wheel of events that they’ll spin throughout the night. This first event is a burping contest. Of course, the burps are these overly fake-sounding, dubbed-in burps. Naturally they give Austin these extremely loud and long ones to make him the winner. If you’re going to bother with silly things like this, could you try not insulting our intelligence too much?
Scott Steiner vs. Test
The winner of this match will win Stacy Keibler’s managerial services. As Stacy tries to get in the ring to pose, Test yanks her away and takes her up the aisle. Steiner attempts to attack Test, but trips on the apron and falls on his face. Everybody point and laugh at Scott. Haw-Haw! Steiner recovers and goes on the attack outside the ring. Test tries to bail and then uses Stacy as a shield. That allows Test to get in a cheap shot and throw Steiner into the steps. Inside, Test slams Steiner and then does some push-ups to mock him. He then blows a kiss Stacy’s way. What a charmer! Test applies a sleeper on Steiner. Steiner escapes, but then gets elbowed. Steiner catches Test coming off the top rope and gives him a belly-to-belly suplex. Now Steiner goes back into control by giving Test a 10-punch count in the corner. A full nelson slam by Test gets 2. Steiner gets a nearfall of his own with a reverse DDT. Test avoids a charging Steiner and gives him the pump handle slam. That gets 2. As Test tries to remove a turnbuckle pad, Stacy gets on the apron to stop him. He grabs her, so she slaps him. Steiner charges at Test and almost runs into Stacy. Steiner turns around and eats a big boot. Somehow, Steiner kicks out at 2. Test grabs a chair and when Stacy tries to take it away from him, Test shoves her down. Steiner avoids the chairshot and Test ends up hitting himself in the head with it. Steiner then hits the Steiner Liner and covers him for 3.
BL: What makes a bad match worse? A lousy ending. If Test wins you could have played up Test’s chauvinism to the fullest and made them a new version of Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth. This finish leaves Test with nothing to do (it’s not like he’d want to fight for Stacy) and undeservedly rewards Steiner. The action leading up to the finish was your typical plodding mess that you would typically get from these two. * ½
- Bischoff and Austin are walking backstage discussing event #2, the (poontang) pie eating contest. Bischoff tells him that he’s taken the liberty of choosing some fine “slices” that they could use for the contest. Since he’s gone through that effort, he asks Austin if he can go first. I mean, who wants sloppy seconds? Austin reluctantly agrees, on the condition that he chooses Bischoff’s pie. The smell of Austin’s burps just got replaced with the stink of obviousness.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Christian (champ) vs. Booker T
After getting robbed in last month’s battle royal, Booker wants revenge and the Intercontinental title and there’s no better place to do that than in his hometown of Houston, TX. Booker tries to be the aggressor early on, but Christian is trying to keep his distance. A back bodydrop by Booker gets 2. Christian thumbs Booker in the eye and then drops him across the top rope. Now Christian takes Booker outside and rams him into the steps. Booker catches Christian coming off the second rope and gives him a flapjack. A sidewalk slam by Booker gets 2. Booker gets another nearfall with a spin kick. Christian stops Booker’s momentum with a Book End and gets 2. On the apron, Booker knees Christian and then delivers the scissors kick. Booker nails Christian with a missile dropkick and gets 2. After kicking Christian, Booker gives us a Spinaroonie. Booker sets Christian up for the scissors kick, but Christian bails outside. Christian grabs the belt and decides to leave. The referee gets on the mic and says that if Christian doesn’t return, he’ll lose the match and the belt. Christian runs back and then just nails Booker with the title, which draws a DQ.
BL: Talk about your sh*tty finishes. If the referee was so savvy about knowing Christian’s plan to escape with a count-out loss, why didn’t he do anything when he intentionally got himself disqualified. That’s just dumb. Before the finish, the match had plenty of action, but it was just a collection of nearfalls with no build to them. That style is difficult in trying to create any drama. The booking staff didn’t do this feud any favors with this match. **
- Backstage, Kevin Nash tapes up his wrists. Riveting!
Redneck Triathlon Event #2: Pie-eating Contest
Jerry Lawler hosts this event in the ring. He brings out both contestants and then Austin introduces Bischoff to his slice of pie. Surprise, surprise…Austin chooses Mae Young. Bischoff naturally wants to refuse, but Austin reminds him that if he refuses, he’ll lose the whole thing. Bischoff changes his mind and quickly kisses her. As he retches in the corner, Austin reminds him it’s a pie-eating contest. Mae kicks Bischoff and then gives him the Bronco Buster. As Bischoff tries to recover, he tells Austin it’s his turn. Austin gets ready and then just stuns Mae. Austin announces he forfeits, which makes the score 1-1. A complete stomach-churning segment.
- Jonathan Coachman interviews La Resistance about their upcoming tag title match. They end up bashing Texas and George Bush instead of talking about their opponents. Wow, they were doing some real revolutionary material there.
World Tag Team Championship Match: Rob Van Dam and Kane (champs) vs. La Resistance
The story here is that Kane’s been in one of his moods again and thus, not the ideal tag partner. Can Kane keep his mind in the game or will La Resistance be able to take advantage of Kane’s distracted nature. RVD gets things started with Dupree. Not surprisingly, RVD gets off to a quick start. A crossbody by RVD gets 2. Grenier drops RVD across the top rope from the apron and then Dupree DDTs him. La Resistance briefly take control. RVD hits Dupree with an enziguri and then tags Kane. Kane comes in and dominates the challengers. A sidewalk slam on Grenier gets 2. La Resistance is able to double-team Kane, but he no-sells it. RVD is tagged back in and he takes it to Dupree. Both members of La Resistance and Kane are on the outside now when RVD goes for a somersault plancha. He misses La Resistance and ends up hitting Kane. La Resistance bring RVD back in and give him a tandem flapjack. Grenier covers and actually keeps RVD down for 3. New champions!
BL: The bad times continue to roll here. An unconvincing finish to a match that was looking like a glorified squash. This just didn’t make any sense to me. If you’re going to play up the dissension angle beforehand, why not follow through on it here in the match. The finish was too abrupt and weak to make us believe that La Resistance was that much better than Kane and RVD. Then again, I’m probably putting way too much thought into this match considering RAW has ignored this tag division for over a year. * ½
Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho
There is obvious history between Goldberg and Jericho from their WCW days, but recently Jericho has done everything possible to be a thorn in Goldberg’s side including macing him, trying to run him over and pouring paint on his car. Now Goldberg wants revenge. Goldberg tackles Jericho and the two fall to the floor. Back inside, Goldberg catches Jericho trying to do a flying forearm and splashes him. Goldberg is treating him like a rag doll in these opening minutes. Back outside, Goldberg drops Jericho across the guardrail. Goldberg attempts to spear Jericho, but he moves and Goldberg crashes through the barricade. Jericho sees Goldberg’s shoulder is injured and immediately goes after it. Jericho delivers a missile dropkick to Goldberg’s shoulder and gets 2. Goldberg tries to fight back, but Jericho hits him with a single arm DDT and then puts him in an armbar. Jericho attempts a move from the second rope, but Goldberg kicks him. Jericho elbows a charging Goldberg, but Goldberg manages to comeback and slam him with his good arm. Jericho hits his crappy bulldog and the Lionsault. That combo gets a long 2 count. Jericho hits a second crappy bulldog, but when he goes for another Lionsault, Goldberg gets up, catches him and throws him to the mat. Goldberg then manages to spear Jericho, even with his hurt arm. Throughout the match, there’s been some slight booing for Goldberg, but now there’s a very audible “Goldberg sucks” chant. Goldberg attempts the jackhammer, but can’t get Jericho up. In one of the attempts, Jericho thumbs the referee in the eye and then lowblows Goldberg. Nice. Jericho puts Goldberg in the Walls of Jericho now. Goldberg powers out of it and spears Jericho again. A follow-up jackhammer is enough to give Goldberg the win.
BL: The intelligence of the booking committee has certainly been put into question tonight. However, they finally got it right here. Instead of a nauseating squash, they actually let this be a competitive match. As a result, it paid off in spades. Jericho’s attack on Goldberg’s shoulder was extremely focused and effective. As much as I would have liked for Jericho to get the win, having Goldberg get the victory was probably the right move, given the storyline. Props to the Houston crowd for still giving Goldberg sh*t, though. *** ¼
- We get the dramatic spin of the wheel to decide the final redneck triathlon event. It turns out to be a sing-off, which pleases Bischoff to no end since he and everybody else knows that Austin is an awful singer. I don’t want to say Austin’s bad, but I don’t think he’d even get to the refrain on the Gong Show.
Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair
A few weeks ago Flair got a chance at HHH for the World title when they were in his hometown. While he lost the match, Shawn was instrumental in making him believe he had a chance. It seemed the two had forged a friendship. However, a few weeks later, Flair turned on Shawn in a tag match and once again became the dirtiest player in the game. Now these two legends are set to square off. The early chain wrestling gives neither man the edge. Soon Shawn clotheslines Flair out of the ring and then hits him with a crossbody. Back inside, the two exchange chops and then Shawn gets in a 5-punch count. Flair comes back with a chopblock to Shawn’s left leg. Flair begins his patented attack on the knee of Shawn. Flair locks on the figure four in the middle of the ring. After a while, Shawn manages to grab the bottom rope. Flair goes back to the leg, but Shawn nails him with an enziguri. The two begin to exchange chops and punches. Flair elbows down Shawn and climbs up, but Shawn recovers and slams him to the mat. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Flair blocks it. Flair then tries for the figure four again, but Shawn gets him in a small package for 2. Shawn then puts Flair in a figure four, but Flair gets free by thumbing Shawn in the eye. Shawn rams Flair into the referee and then rolls him up. By the time the referee recovers, Flair rolls through it and gets 2. Shawn whips Flair to the corner and he manages his flip, flop and fly. Flair then goes up top again, but gets hit on his way down. Shawn places Flair up top and then gives him a superplex. Now Shawn goes out of the ring and sets a table up on the floor. Back inside, Flair tries to suplex Shawn out of the ring and onto the table, but Shawn blocks it. The two head outside where Shawn rams Flair’s head into the steps and then places him on the table. Suddenly, Randy Orton runs out from the crowd and gets superkicked by Shawn. Shawn then climbs up and hits Flair with a crossbody through the table. Wow! Shawn brings Flair back into the ring and gets a long 2 count. As Shawn backs Flair in the corner, Flair mule kicks him and the referee in the process. Shawn hits Flair with a flying forearm and then a big elbow. Shawn tunes up the band and nails Flair with Sweet Chin Music. Orton comes in though and blasts Shawn with a chairshot. Orton then rolls Flair onto Shawn. The referee recovers and makes the 1-2-3.
BL: This one is tough to rate. There are a long of individual segments throughout the match which are top notch. However, when you look at the whole package, it isn’t that impressive, especially given the participants. Ultimately, where this match loses points is in its execution. We see here that this was merely a set-up to a HBK/Orton feud instead of an exhibition between two legends. I would have liked for these two to split decisions on a couple of classic matches and then have the booking here be for the blowoff to this feud. Instead, we got the blowoff here before the feud really got started. ***
Redneck Triathlon Event #3: Sing-Off
Bischoff comes out and chooses his own theme music for the song he’ll sing. It’s apparent, though, that he’s lip-synching. Austin calls him out on it and has him sing without backup. That reveals Bischoff to be as lousy of a singer as Austin. Austin says that since neither of them can sing, he’ll spin the wheel again. That leads us to…
Redneck Triathlon Event #3b: Pig Pen Fun
The object here is to throw your opponent into the pig pen, which they conveniently set up before the show began. This is just an excuse for Austin to beat up Bischoff some more. Austin walks a mudhole in him and then gives him a Stunner. Austin then drags Bischoff up the ramp and throws him in the pen to win the Redneck Triathlon. I wish this could have been something more substantive than “Humiliate Bischoff Round #687, but alas it wasn’t.
Hell in a Cell match for the World Heavyweight Championship Match: Triple H (champ) vs. Kevin Nash with special guest referee Mick Foley
This is the blowoff to this feud. Given how these two have treated referees and given how referees have fared in Hell in a Cell matches, no one wanted to do this match. Thus, Austin brought in Foley to oversee this match. HHH tries to sneak attack Nash, but Nash recovers and boots HHH in the face. Nash battles HHH on the apron, but HHH drops him across the top rope. As the two fight in the corner, Nash shoves HHH into Foley. They both quickly recover, but Nash remains on offense. The two take their brawl outside where Nash repeatedly sends HHH into the cell wall. Back inside, Nash gets a nearfall from a sidewalk slam. Nash finds a chair under the ring and wears out HHH with it. Now Nash takes HHH back outside and gives him some more rough cell treatment. Nash tries to throw the steps at HHH, but he avoids it. Nash attempts to powerbomb HHH, but he blocks it and goes on the offensive. HHH goes under the ring and finds a toolbox. HHH grabs a hammer and nails Nash in the knee and head. In the ring, HHH argues with Foley and Foley shoves him down. HHH goes back to focus on Nash, who’s been busted open. HHH does the cheese grater spot and then throws him into the steps. HHH now brings a screwdriver into the ring and drives it into Nash’s open wound. Next, HHH abuses Nash with a barbed wire 2 x 4. Nash starts to fight back and nails HHH with the 2x4. Now HHH’s forehead is bloodied. Nash gives HHH some rough turnbuckle treatment and then does Snake Eyes onto the 2x4. Nice spot. That gets 2. As Nash goes to grab the steps, we see someone hold a “Big Lazy” sign up. Nice. HHH bails outside and hits Nash with a wooden crate. HHH goes back under the ring and finds his sledge. Foley tries to stop him from using it, so HHH decks him. HHH attempts to use the steps, but Nash does a drop toe hold and HHH rams his head into the steps. Nash covers and gets 2 ¾. As Nash tries to use a chair, HHH kicks him in the knee. HHH grabs the chair and blasts Nash with it. Now he nails Foley with it. Foley recovers and pulls out Mr. Socko. He applies it to HHH, but HHH kicks him low. Nash is up and nails HHH with the steps, but also hits Foley in the process. Nash covers, but there’s no referee. Nash tries to wake up Foley, but HHH gets up and shoves Nash into Foley, who crashes into the cell. HHH goes for a Pedigree, but Nash backdrops him and then catapults him into the corner where the 2x4 is. Nash hits the Jackknife and covers, but by the time Foley counts, HHH kicks out at 2. HHH manages to grab the sledgehammer and nail Nash in the head. HHH then follows up with a Pedigree. Foley recovers and comes over and reluctantly makes the 3 count to give HHH the win.
BL: I’m not sure what to think here. On one hand, it was a decent brawl, but not a fantastic one. You also have the issue of the face losing the blowoff, but that face is Nash. There are so many mixed emotions here. Bottom line…this is a passable main event, but not one of the better Hell in a Cell matches. In a vacuum, it works well enough as a match. However, there are a lot of expectations that got left unfulfilled by this match. Despite having some decent action, I think everyone can say they felt cheated by this match. Some wanted Nash to win, others wanted this to be the start of Foley’s comeback. In the end though, it was just another match to show how great HHH is. Yawn. ***
Final Thoughts: One thing that this show has going for it is that all of the matches were well laid out and had established feuds supporting them (which is more than you can say for a lot of the future brand-specific PPVs). However, the execution of these matches varies. While there is some junk early on, the top half of the show delivers for the most part. While it may not have lived up to expectations, it is an enjoyable show nonetheless. If you decide to watch this show, however, you’ll probably want to keep the remote control handy during the first half of the show.
Next time, break out the sarsaparilla because we’ve got an old fashioned saloon fight on our hands.
Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Reuve.
